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Empower the Feminine Part 1

What is the Feminine?

Understanding the Universal Principle of Gender

What is The Principle of Gender?

In ancient Egypt the Hermetics noted that every living thing has a gender on the unseen level of reality, that beyond male and female there is an energetic gender to things. The Heretics were not alone. Ancient wise men and women all around the world seemed to agree that there is a Yin & Yang in life, a God and Goddess, a Masculine and a Feminine.

“Understanding the Principle of Gender will help you create any life you want, not just the life your head thinks you need or “can” have, but the one that your whole being craves for; a life that is infinitely more enjoyable on every level.”

I hate jargon and “New Age” fluff. I don’t write this with an attachment to the “esoteric” or the “occult” or any ism or modality. I am interested in this purely because by understanding it I have empowered my life tenfold in very practical ways. The gender of things however can be tricky to grasp in the beginning, so please study the following table to help define the gender of things through comparison:

The Masculine                              The Feminine
Mind                                             Heart
Thinking and mental activity        Feeling & emotion
Taking action                                Inaction
Being in the world                        Stillness & resting
Giving                                           Receiving
Reason                                          Imagination
Logical & linear thinking               Creativity
Structure                                      Formlessness
Knowing & certainty                     Intuition & the unknown
Must “make sense”                       Innocence “in no sense”
Orientating                                    Nurturing                  
What you think you need              What you truly love
Living to survive                            Living for joy
Reality                                           Vision
Must achieve to be valid               Just being is valid
Will                                                 Beauty

In terms of Belly Dancing movements, the Masculine is hard, sharp edged, and fast as in modern Cabaret styles and drum solo. The Feminine is embodied in soft, flowing and slow movements such as Taqsim and features highly in Improvisation.

A simple example of gender is to bring it back to male and female stereotypes. What is commonly known as a “feminine” woman is soft in nature, high in feeling and emotion, heartful, nurturing and nourishing, has a flowing characteristic to her as opposed to being hard-edged, is a natural mother, and intuition and psychic abilities have long been associated with women.

What is commonly known as a “masculine” man is a man who is able in the world, one who knows his direction, goes out and gets what he wants, is more physical or mental rather than intuitive. And let’s face it girls, it wouldn’t hurt if he had a body to die for, and an IQ of 200! : )

But to truly understand the gender of things it is important to see that the Feminine exists in men and the Masculine in women as well. Every man has a heart and feelings, even though most men in the West get disconnected to their hearts at a very early age, setting them up for much misery in adulthood; as Thoreau put it “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation”. Most Western males’ disconnection to their inner life is a direct result of the denigration of the Feminine in the West. On the other hand, all women have within them will, the driving force that propels us to go out and get what we truly want. Still, many women feel powerless to be who they really are in the world.

Each of us has a relationship to the Feminine, and another to the Masculine. It may be one that is open and flowing, or disconnected and dysfunctional. This relationship affects our lives on three different levels:

  1. The way we relate to that gender within ourselves; e.g. our own heart (the Fem), our own will (the Masc), our ability to ask for what we want (the Masc) and receive it (the Fem), our ability to work and achieve (the Masc) and nurture ourselves (the Fem); it affects our ability to create anything!
  2. The way we relate to other women and men – people who are manifestations of the Feminine and the Masculine.
  3. The way we relate to gender in the world e.g. to nature and the environment (the Fem), work and career (the Masc), motherhood and nurturing children (the Fem), money (the Masc) and so on.

The gender of things is all around us and affects our everyday lives. Our most powerful state is when we have an equally healthy relationship to both genders. A simple illustration of this is that the most powerful entrepreneurs have a huge ability to dream up their vision (the Fem) but their feet are firmly on the ground based in a strong grasp of reality (the Masc). You are the entrepreneur of your own life, and you are creating your empire on a daily basis.

“You are the entrepreneur of your own life,
and you are creating your empire on a daily basis”.

How Does This Translate in Real Life?
Our relationship to each gender comes from childhood. The imprint left by our primary female carer forms the base of our relationship to the Feminine within ourselves (our heart, emotions, ability to receive etc), and the way we relate to women in general and anything with a Feminine nature in the world.

The imprint left by our primary male carer creates the base for our relationship to the Masculine within us (our will, mental aptitude, ability to achieve etc), the way we relate to men in general, and the Masculine in the world.

I will use my own story to illustrate this point. Please note what impression my primary carers left on me, and then how that affected my relationship to that gender on all three levels; that gender within myself, that gender as represented by other males and females, and the gender in the world on a day to day basis:

I was abandoned by my mother and father at the age of one. I was left with my grandparents on my father’s side until I was four. My grandmother on my father’s side walked out of the hospital delivery room in dismay when I was born, because I was female. This same woman became my primary female carer, after my birth-parents left me with her. My grandfather on my father’s side became my surrogate father for three years as well. He was a sexual abuser and I was subjected to incest at the ages of three and four. One of his sons did the same. (I apologies for the shock this may cause some readers, I share this for the teaching tool it provides to illustrate the subject of this article).

These years of my developmental stages left me with the following relationship to gender:

The Masculine is sexually abusive. My only worth is sexual.

The Feminine is jealous, and is a danger to my survival.

I doubt my grandmother was actually about to kill me, but tell that to an abandoned, abused 4 year old. The point is, once I made my mind up about something when I was four, it became reality and it influenced my relationship with women and men throughout my life.

After three years in this environment I rejoined my birth parents. So I had a switch of primary Feminine and Masculine carers. This switch left me with a multi dimensional relationship to both genders.

Upon joining my birth mother and father, and older brother, my impression of my mother was that she couldn’t stand me. She was aggressive verbally and phsyically, brutally violent at times, and I felt no love from her whatsoever. On the other hand, my brother who had always been with my parents was her pride and joy. My mother was also a Christian religious freak, and in her understanding of Christianity boys were all righteous and girls were destined to become one of the two female stereotypes of the bible; chaste and holy, or prostitutes. I still remember the day I was told that my brother was her only son (like Jesus), and that I was basically nothing. Suffice to say I felt unloved simply because I was a girl.

My mother also had a very interesting habit; she used to hit me every time I dropped my emotionally numb façade and showed joy. Time and time again, if I experienced a surge of joy and I dared show it in my face or my voice, my mother would beat it out of me. Such was her own aversion to emotion and joy. In this environment, feeling and showing emotion (the Fem) became very dangerous.

The messages I got time and time again were; I was abandoned because I was female. I got abused because I was female. I was not allowed to show femininity in any way, or else I would be in danger, and the list goes on.

My father was absent, working on his academic career. He was also a heavy alcoholic; so even when he was physically home, he wasn’t there with his attention or spirit. The message I got from him was the Masculine doesn’t see me – I don’t exist. The Masculine is absent, and as a result protection and the providing of a stable shelter and abundance were absent.

From this family I developed the following relationships to gender:

The Masculine ignores me, I am invisible, I am nothing.

The Feminine hates me, and again is dangerous.

How did this play out in my life?

I disconnected to emotion (the Fem). I hid my emotions from everyone, including myself even as a child. I was numb from the age of 3 upwards. In early adulthood I learned to put on a smile and get on with it. By my late twenties the façade came crumbling down in the form of emotional and physical breakdowns.

I craved for the attention of boys and men (the Masc). As a young woman I looked for love in all the wrong men, and continued the cycle of being a sex toy, and being ignored and not loved. This of course became very painful until I started to understand my responsibility in the type of men I was being attracted to, and the affect my childhood had had on my default attraction. It also later led to partnering with an abusive and violent man. 

As a child and young adolescent I spent all my time craving for and pursuing academic excellence and mental agility (the Masc). As a young adult I became a workaholic, spending all my time climbing a career ladder and being capable in the world (the Masc). The workaholism created repeated emotional and physical burnout, as I was continuously running on empty.

At the time I didn’t understand any of this. I had not started my own self-discovery, I was on auto pilot. After a few burnouts I discovered Belly Dancing and together with an increased understanding of how I was responsible for creating my life, things started to change for me.

When I started Belly Dancing classes I felt one thing in class; sheer terror! My heart was in my mouth with fear of all the women around me! I had a distinct feeling that they all hated me and might kill me. My skin crawled with fear and my impulse was literally to run away. This lasted the entire class! I was self-aware enough not to run out the door and never return, but it took me a while to understand what was going on for me. The terror only began to subside after about two years of regular classes.

My history with the Feminine in my childhood, personified by my paternal grandmother and mother, was the reason for the terror. At this time I had just come out of being a workaholic, the Feminine in me was just starting to rise, and that combined with the women in the classroom and the Feminine nature of the dance was really putting my relationship to the Feminine under stress.

Until then, I had naturally avoided any environments that would bring out the Feminine in me, or that were very feminine in their own nature. Going to Belly Dance classes was challenging my belief that said; if I showed my Feminine nature I would be hated and maybe murdered by the women around me. Of course there was no danger in reality; it was just in my mind’s reality, the scratched record I carried from my childhood. Each one of us carries our own scratched record.

The thing about energetic gender and how our primary carers affect our relationship to it is, that they do not only affect our relationship to real men and women, but also to the Feminine and Masculine within ourselves, and the Feminine and Masculine in the world around us. Our brains know this instinctively, we don’t walk around thinking these things; they are part of nature. The Principle of Gender is a universal law.

Practical Examples of The Principle of Gender in People’s Lives
Here are examples of people who have a better relationship to the Feminine than the Masculine:

A woman has many dreams and knows what her gifts are, but lives in the constant torment of procrastination, or busies herself with peripheral activities so much so that she never gets the time or energy to take steps towards her dream life. On an ongoing basis this creates depression. All vision (Fem), no will (Masc).

One woman when deciding to go for something (say a job or business opportunity or a new skill or a new relationship) takes the first steps, then starts to lose her mental clarity and feels foggy in the head, or becomes unable to create structure around her to support her actions, e.g. effective time-management, organising paperwork and office space etc. Clear vision (Fem), low on mental clarity or structural ability (Masc).

A woman starts a new business and succeeds beyond her wildest dreams in the quality of service it provides and the ethical and creative visions of the business, but fails to do her bookkeeping, taxes and appropriate pricing of services which ultimately leads to the collapse of the business. High emotional intelligence (Fem), dysfunctional relationship to money and reality (Masc).

A man is a very loving and caring father, a supportive husband and warm hearted person in general but fails to create work that supports his family. Open heart (Fem), shut down will and inability to achieve in the world (Masc).

Here are some examples of people who have Masculine in abundance, but have a dysfunctional relationship to the Feminine which ultimately disempowers their lives:

One woman who is attached to her job/career falls pregnant. She becomes extremely challenged emotionally by her apparent paralysis to do what it is that feeds her sense of self-esteem and worth; namely her work. She is torn between caring for her baby and going back to work. Depending on how dysfunctional her relationship to her own Feminine nature is, she may go back to work after a very short time and leave the baby in the care of others; or, she may stay at home and suffer from low self-worth or depression. High emphasis on achievement (Masc), low on connection to her heart, innate joy and nurturance (Fem).

A man is absent from home working 12 hour days, or 6-7 days a week to support a certain life-style, and misses his children’s babyhood, toddlerhood and most of their childhood. By the time they are teenagers he finds himself wondering why the kids have no connection to him and don’t care to spend time with him. Survival orientated (Masc), no ability or strong intention to connect, or give and receive love (Fem).

A man runs a “successful” corporation or business and puts money ahead of people, nature, resources, communities and core human needs such as enabling family life, creating healthy environments and producing products that are intrinsically good to ingest or use, as opposed to products that are full of toxins or harmful substances. High priority to money, numbers and survival (Masc), low priority to human life and nurturance (Fem).

At the time of writing this, most of the world’s leaders are disappointing and extreme examples of high Masculine and low Feminine. Their rule through fear and terror and keeping the people living in reaction to survival is a prime example of their lack of truthful vision (Fem), heart (Fem), and interest in the good and wellbeing of their people and those of other countries (Fem). Their lack of ability to speak the truth fearlessly and their commitment to feeding us a constant stream of intelligence-demeaning lies is staggering. One wonders why we keep voting them in.

Why is The Principle of Gender Important?
You might be saying “In today’s world how is this hippie mumbo jumbo important?” It is important because the most powerful state for any living entity; a person, a relationship, a community, a country, and the planet – is when the Masculine and Feminine aspects are in balance, and get equal amounts of attention. It’s not mumbo jumbo unless you make it so. It is quite the opposite. Denying its existence does only one thing - disempower you.

I myself am only interested in “spirituality” or “mysticism” in its most practical terms; terms I can use in my daily life to give me back my birthright of joy and reconnect me to my innate power. I have no interest in living a half-life, a life running like a rat doing what I think I need to do to survive. If a life full of health, beauty, love and wonder are available to everyone, and all we need to know is how to create it, then I make it my business to find out how.

In my experience on this planet to-date I have found two such core how’s: The Creative Process/The Law of Attraction (see article footnote for more info) and The Principle of Gender and how it relates to The Law of Attraction; for further info on this subject please read the article How the Principle of Gender Affects Your Ability to Create Anything.

The most basic illustration of powerful creating when the Masculine and Feminine are in balance is physical conception. When a woman and a man want to create a baby, they can have immense trouble conceiving if either is not fertile. Say if the man’s sperm-count is low or his little fellas are lethargic, conception can be difficult. Likewise, if the woman’s ovaries are not exactly singing in the rain, the couple may not manifest what they are trying to create.

It is the same with creating anything; a job, health, a relationship, money, an artistic expression, a business, a happy family etc. (The Creative Process/The Law of Attraction is a subject all onto its own, and if it interests you please see the article’s footnote for further information).

Suffice to say, I hope the premise is getting clear; that the most powerful you can be in your life, the best shot you have at creating the life you truly love, is when you understand you relationship to Gender in your own life and you bring back the balance for yourself. Understanding the Principle of Gender will help you create any life you want, not just the life your head thinks you need or “can” have, but the one that your whole being craves for; a life that is infinitely more enjoyable on every level.

Over the years of learning and teaching Belly Dance, I have found it to be a uniquely powerful balancer of personal relationship to energetic gender. In the follow-up articles in this series, Belly Dance’s relationship to the gender of things will be revealed, together with ways you can help yourself balance out the Feminine and Masculine in your life through Belly Dance.

If finding your own power to create a life you love isn’t enough reason to get interested in The Principle of Gender, maybe this will be. Living in a balance of Masculine and Feminine simply feels better. In that space one can feel true joy, a joy that only exists when one is achieving and creating in the world, without compromising anything truthful to themselves or their children or loved ones, or society or the planet. This is a space where one lives in a flow that engages their inherent abilities and supports them emotionally and financially beyond survival. That illusive mystery called “joy” becomes a daily experience.

Of course if you live with an extreme Masculine component to your life, as do the majority of Westerners, you may say “what does that mean? I’m happy with my life”. It’s no use having a mansion to live in, a high powered job and millions in the bank if your son grows up disconnected from your love and you from his. What good is it if you’re paying the mortgage, driving the “right” car and have the “right” education when you have to take anti-depressants to dull out the pain in your heart? How is that powerful living?

True joy is a sensual experience; you can’t understand it - you feel it in your body. You can’t think yourself into a joyful state; you feel it under your skin. By upping your Feminine component you will start to experience joy because true joy is a sensual experience, and your senses and emotional life are based in the Feminine.

Please go to Part 2 of this series at Empower the Feminine P2 – What Happened to the Feminine? It explains what happened to the Feminine on a world level throughout our history, to give us a better understanding of our present day Masculine skewed world, and a better understanding of ourselves as individuals living in this world.

Part 3 in the series talks about how Belly Dancing helps balance out personal relationship to Gender.



To learn about The Creative Process/The Law of Attraction and how it enables anyone to create a life they love, I highly recommend If you marry the secret of The Law of Attraction to the universal truths in the gender of things, you will be able to fine-tune a very powerful creative ability in your life.