When I began my radio show in May of 2006 and first introduced my redefinition of woman, I said that the "O" in W.O.M.A.N. was the hardest part to live and to embody. And I believe that more than ever. I've thought about writing this newsletter many times in the past weeks, and as my own life tends to mirror what I feel impelled to share with you, I finally felt the quickening that would allow me to give birth to these ideas for you.

In my last newsletter I began the deeper exploration of each letter in W.O.M.A.N., beginning with Wild. So here we are at the "O." Seemingly a letter that is a circle with nothing in the center. But it is that emptiness which yields everything. Not unlike our sexual openings, an empty space, but oh, what is contained within that empty space!

Tonight I went to the movies and saw "The Bourne Ultimatum" on a recommendation by two friends. While it was a good movie in terms of story, I left feeling like there must be something wrong with me. There was so much violence in the film, but I felt like I was the only one exhausted from it when the movie was over. All of the trailers dealt with extremely violent topics, and even before the movie began, I had had enough. But I looked around the theatre and everyone around me that I could see seemed okay with it all.

Maybe it's me. Perhaps I'm too sensitive for where we have arrived as a culture, as a race of humans. I think but for this work and my daughter, I'd find an island somewhere and just live a really simply life. Is it me or are any of you out there with me? And how does this relate to my topic of openness? Well, for starters, I feel that all the violence we are routinely exposed to has desensitized us. Open is a place that lives in our hearts. To me, it's a place of vulnerability and tremendous beauty and pathos. It's where poetry lives in each of us. The violence and commonplace emotional callousness that we all experience daily through various forms of the media are closing the "O" and turning it into a sphincter that is always contracted and holding on. So what am I saying, that we're all turning into assholes? Well, I'm not sure where you live, but in L.A., I'd say that's not far from the truth. And while I hate to admit it, I find myself acting like one sometimes, too, caught up in the insidious contagion of this negative frequency. It is so difficult to stay open, when everything around you feels like an assault on that soft, tender place. After a while, you just find yourself surrendering, but not as an act of submission to the heart, but from a place of defeat. It just hurts too much to feel.

Take for instance a simple thing like eye contact. Looking into someone's eyes used to mean that we were connecting with and attempting to see the person before us. To me, it should be an intimate act. But I find that most people seem to react to eye contact as a form of aggression. I do it all the time as a practice to exercise staying open FOR ME, and I'll look into someone's eyes and smile. Most of the time, I find that people are happy to engage. But so many times as well, particularly with young people, I get blank stares with a hint of impending confrontation if my gaze lingers too long. There is a disconnect and an inability to feel. In many ways I feel our violent media culture is responsible. And it's taking over the world. But enough doom and gloom. I know you all know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. So let's change the channel.

The "O" in my definition of woman is soft and expansive. It is expressive with words and emotions, with tears and laughter. It's the soft, deep entrance into our souls, as the yoni (Sanskrit word for vagina) is for our hearts. So many people are afraid of being hurt and so they are holding back, protecting themselves. What do you think most people are protecting themselves from? To me, the irony in that is as we hold a space of protection around our hearts, we block the energy of love moving to us from others, and our ability to give it in return. We build fortresses around ourselves and push away connection, caring, vulnerability and love, as if they were a disease we need to avoid We are losing our capacity to feel in this world. The pathways into our hearts are closing down, little by little, and when they have shut down completely, then we are truly doomed.

So what is it that we truly fear? What keeps us from expressing what we feel fully and Openly? That protection is an attempt to guard our hearts. But from what are we guarding it? A closed heart becomes an angry heart eventually. An open heart becomes a vehicle for change and a portal to spread love. And the world certainly needs more love. When we are afraid of being hurt by someone, usually in a love relationship, we don't reveal our true selves or the tender, beautiful places in our hearts. And that goes for you guys, too. You definitely have tender, beautiful places in your hearts, even if you want to pretend that you don't. All human beings do. Sometimes we close because we feel we've lost so much through loving or being open. Call me crazy, but I'd rather stay open and risk suffering loss in order to experience how deeply my heart can feel.

Think about a time that your heart felt open. If nothing comes to mind immediately, think about a time that you didn't think about what or how your were going to do something, but you just felt alive and open and free and acted what many would call impulsively. Or you felt so strongly about someone you just allowed yourself to flow with how you truly felt. Now stop short of how it all turned out in the end, because this is the place where people get stuck and decide to stop being open. Stay with the feeling INSIDE YOU that you were experiencing by allowing that openness to grow inside you, the way a baby grows in a woman's belly. It just kept expanding, right? And it felt AMAZING to feel that there was no limit to how far you could expand. You felt light and free and happy - joyous actually. Then something happened, right? Things didn't turn out the way you planned or expected them to. And you closed down because you felt that your heart had broken, whatever the cause. You lost someone through death, or they left you or cheated on you, or the idea you had been working on got stolen by someone, but your perception was that you didn't get what you wanted in some way. So you made a CHOICE never to do that again, or to guard your heart and your feelings. But it's not the feelings or your open heart that has caused you pain. It's your PERCEPTION around your expectation.
Being open requires something very hard for most of us. It requires our being unconditional in our giving. Those of us with children know what unconditional means. It's the only relationship in our lives where we know that no matter what that child does, we will always love them. Because of that unconditional place inside of you, we are able to roll with the punches and our hearts just stay wide open for our kids. And it hurts or stings sometimes, but you know there is no other choice for your heart.

So imagine how it would be if we could do that in other situations in our life. In love, in business, in friendship. The thing I've realized about why it's so unconditional with our children is because they are an extension of OURSELVES. They allow us to practice self-love THROUGH them. So we love for the sake of loving and because we have no other choice. I'm not saying to turn the other cheek if someone abuses you or disrespects you. But can you walk away with your heart open and keep seeking a situation that does feel at home for your heart? The moment you decide that relationships are no good for you or that people cheat you in business, or you can't trust your friends, or women or men, you are walking down a dangerous road to isolation, fear and anger. This road leads to an emptiness that comes from a closed heart and is a journey that will eventually put out the light of your soul.

We are here to love and to give and receive from the depths of our hearts and souls. If we are not open, that is not possible. If we are not open, we suffer more, because fear creates the very situations in your life that will bring you more of the pain that put that very fear there. It's the law of attraction. What you focus on becomes real. So if you believe that you can't trust women or men, then you keep attracting people to make you right. Man after man, or woman after woman will be people you can't trust. And you'll say, "See, I knew it." It's not that you knew it. You created it. Your beliefs create your reality.

So call me crazy, but I want to stay open and to feel so much that I find myself crying for what seems like no reason to someone less sensitive. It's in this open place that I can experience the fullness of my heart and its potential and it's in this place that when someone who has the same openness and longing meets me, that we can explore the depths of the rabbit hole together. I choose. And always will, to feel rather than to fear feeling. I choose to risk expressing what is in my heart rather than to hold back and have regret that I never spoke what was true for me to all the people that matter to me. People that know me say I wear my heart on my sleeve. I do. That definitely makes it a much more exposed heart, a more accessible heart. But people can see it and appreciate it more easily. It's easier for them to touch it and for me to share it with others. Could someone reach out and stab it more easily, too? Of course. But when you choose to expose yourself, your vulnerability, your real essence, I believe you also attract only those who appreciate that open heart and want to experience it rather than to destroy it. Again, it's the law of attraction. I've walked this Earth with my heart on my sleeve for all my life and no one has ever tried to harm it. An open heart is a thing of beauty and we all can choose to share ours with the world or hide it away, never to be seen or enjoyed or embraced by others.

Being open is not easy. Exposing our hearts is not easy. But the alternative is much harder to live with. The day I would choose to shut down my heart and give up on love would be the day that I would die and my light would go out, even if my body continues to function. Each of us has a beautiful, bright light that burns in the center of our chests, a light that is longing to be shared and exchanged with others. Open is a choice I hope that we all will make. And there's good days and bad days. I know I have mine. Remember my analogy of the "O" as a sphincter? Just keep choosing to come back to open.

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                                         WHAT DOES W.O.M.A.N. MEAN?

                                         W = Wild
                                         O = Open
                                         M = Magical
                                         A = authentically - empowered
                                         N = Nectar

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You can find more on Gina Cloud and her wonderful work that "...teaches the embracing, honoring and celebrating of the rhythms of the feminine, the female cycles and most importantly, that fabulous temple known as a woman’s body"
at www.redefiningwoman.com.